Outside the Box

I have to admit, I think the phrase "outside the box" is becoming cliche. So many people use it to describe a large variety of things. You can think outside the box, you can live outside the box, you can work outside the box. But the truth is that there are two boxes. There is the box called doing the same thing all the time, which is the box most bosses want us to think outside. It is the daily routine of chores that need to get done. It is the automatic response to our lives that has proven successful in the past and ensures everything gets done. But there is also the box that we impose upon ourselves, a comfort zone of sorts. You know this box exists when you consider doing something different and encounter a fear response or feel that you are interfering with karma if you change. It is not created because life has a to-do list and routine guarantees success. It is created because the person inside of it is afraid of what is "out there."

There are many different reasons to create the second box. Severe trauma, repeated bad occurrences, self-doubt, and lack of self esteem all have a hand in creating this second type of box. And, at times, this box is necessary to heal from whatever had a hand in creating the box. But this box becomes a prison of sorts not allowing the person inside a chance to explore and create a healthier sense of well-being. It is then that the person needs to force themselves out of their box and back into a well-adjusted world.

For those of you who are watching someone live in this imprisoning box, there isn't much you can do. The person needs to be ready to move beyond their box. You can gently suggest things that would coax them out, but don't be surprised if you are met with resistance. Be careful not to fall into the trap of enabler though. People imprisoned need to be freed. Compassion, support and encouragement are necessary in large quantities to help the person trapped in their box. But, given time, with the right kind of support, your confined friend just might find their way out of the box.

I speak with knowledge. I have lived in a box for years. I knew my box was limiting and people would chuckle at the quirks my box imposed upon me. Having to park in one of three spaces at the grocery store is a bit odd. But recently my box disintegrated and I stepped out. I feel better about myself and am enjoying life "on the outside." I am grateful for the compassion and understanding I received while in my box and am thankful for the warm reception I received outside the box. I realize I might quickly rebuild my box should I perceive a threat but will not count that as some sort of setback. I now know the way out and prefer life free of self-imposed constraints.

I have yet to move beyond the monotonous box of routine that ensures my bills get paid, the children get to their activities and the groceries get purchased. But that is a healthy box that keeps my home running smoothly. But I no longer feel enclosed by four walls afraid of what lies beyond.

Physics, Fiber Optics and Forward Thinking

The Nobel Prize for Physics has been announced and the gentleman who figured out how to transmit over fiber optic cable is one of the winners. Because of his genius, we have modern conveniences such as the internet. We have modern technology that could not have existed previous to his discovery. One could say we would still be in the dark.

I have to admit I enjoy the internet. There are many aspects to the internet, such as research and communication, that I enjoy. But I wonder if we would have been somehow deficient if we never had the internet? People still were able to research information. I can remember many happy nights in the library with my friends learning about whatever topic we needed to study. I knew that the information was outdated to a degree but I learned how to be discerning when I chose my material for a research paper. I learned the patience required to look through volumes of information to find the right thing. I bounced ideas off my friends and listened to what they had to say. That way, we all gained a greater understanding of the topic. People were still able to communicate. Letters took a while to get to where they were going, but there was always an anticipation when you went to the mailbox. You had a piece of paper, like a piece of that person, to carry around with you and savor at various times. The response that you sent back was carefully thought out becoming time that you spent thinking of that person. If the letter somehow contained information that was upsetting to you, you had something you could rip up, releasing that emotion without causing harm.

I don't think I want to go back to a world without the internet. I use it to learn and keep in touch. But I miss the days before the internet. I miss the simplicity and innocence of the time.

The Land of Denial

We've all heard the play on words about living in da nile. Unfortunately, the truth for many of us is that we prefer living in Denial to facing the truth. In fact, it is a lovely place where things always just go along the way we want them to without a hitch. There are so many ways of getting to Denial too. We refuse to hear what we've been told. We don't look beneath the surface. We accept some form of alternate reality given to us by someone else. The ways are seemingly endless. The problem with living there is the affect it has on others. By not facing the truth, we miss out on opportunities to help those in need. We alienate those we love. We hurt feelings.

You see, I have visited the land of Denial. I don't want my cousin's wife to be sick. I want them to live well into old age vibrantly. I don' t want to know about bodies slowly becoming paralyzed, able to feel pain yet unable to move. I don't need to hear about people suffocating or put on feeding tubes or any of it. I have forced myself to listen and learn so that I can be a help when I am needed. I continually move myself out of Denial.

I am not the only one who has visited Denial. Others in my family have been there from time to time since the diagnosis. I can not change where they choose to visit. Sometimes I can not even encourage them to move. But I can always understand where they are and why. Illness is difficult on everyone. Therefore, when I am faced with an angry, puzzling odd response, the best I can do is remember how comfortable Denial is and leave breadcrumbs for them to find their way home.