Rethink Black Friday

Briefly on the news today, there was a story about an ad that encouraged people to rethink Black Friday. It mentioned reevaluating shopping choices, recycling wherever possible and rethinking your lifestyles among other ideas. I'm sorry to see that it was a blip on MSNBC. I am doubly sorry that I couldn't find any mention of it on the MSNBC website.

If you follow this blog, you have realized by now that I find overt consumerism abhorrent. I think we all have spent too much time attempting to acquire stuff instead of nurturing the things that are important. I am sick of hearing that we are measured by what we own instead of by who we are. I am tired of hearing that the balms for our troubled souls are found in the aisles of Wal-Mart. So, obviously, Black Friday distresses me.

Over the years, I have heard news reports of fights starting because of a lack of toys on the shelves, people camping out in lines to be the first ones in the stores, and, appallingly, people being trampled to death in the surge into the stores. People lose their humanity in the rush to get stuff and justify it because they are giving the stuff to other people. I don't want anything that was fought over or caused the death of another person. Why would anyone else?

So I think whoever made that commercial mentioned briefly today was on the right track. Rethink your lifestyle. Reconsider what you buy. Remember the needy. Reevaluate your priorities. In other words, rethink Black Friday.

What Happened to Thanksgiving?

This morning, one of the local news anchors and the weatherman were having a bit of a tiff. She couldn't understand why the weatherman was not yet in holiday mode. He couldn't understand why she wanted Christmas decorations put around the set. I'm sure much of their "discussion" was for the cameras, but she was suggesting that something was wrong with him since he was not yet in Christmas mode.

I suggest something is wrong with a culture that skips right from Hallowe'en to Christmas with almost no pause for Thanksgiving. I understand the economy depends on sales for the holidays to continue. I realize many stores make the vast majority of their profit from Christmas sales. I do not understand why it has to start on November 1st.

But this post is not about Christmas; it is about the forgotten holiday called Thanksgiving. Since the pilgrims landed in the New World, we have taken a day to stop, come together with families and remember our blessings. In fact, we were the first country to make a national holiday designed to give thanks for all that we have. And we all have a lot. But it is important to take the time to realize what we have and then to be thankful for it. Instead, people stress over cooking for so many, compare notes on the size of their turkey and use the dinner table to plan their shopping strategy for the next day.

It is time to start remembering Thanksgiving. It is a time for people to slow down, enjoy the day and the remainder of the holiday. Instead of focusing on what more we could buy, we should focus on how much we already have. Embrace Thanksgiving. Enjoy the holiday. Enter into the next holiday in a grateful state of mind. Enjoy the feeling of peace being thankful can give.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Forks in the Road

For those of us who have lived with a life plan and have followed it closely, forks in the road are upsetting. There is no other way of saying it. Do we travel the path we have laid out? Do we follow the new path? What are the benefits of both? What are the pitfalls? No one ever is able to answer these questions with certainty.

I have reached a fork. I have an opportunity to pick up extra hours at the job which was supposed to be a second job. But to do that would require that I back off of the hours I spend at my "real" job. Unfortunately, my "real" job is on one path and my second job is on another. If I pick up the extra hours, I would also have more time to pursue a path that I feel drawn down. I had a balance going for a while, until I was asked if I wanted more hours. Now I have a decision to make.

I'm not sure what I am going to do. But I do know one thing. I have been given an opportunity to examine my life. Examining your life every now and then is important to do. It is the only way to see if you are staying true to your honest self. Often, we are pulled off our course through insidious little ways. A good friend gets a bigger car so we start wanting a bigger car. A loved one gets us a gift certificate to a store that we have been reluctant to enter. Once we're there though, it feels good to indulge, again and again. We justify bad habits with poor excuses until we forget we once thought they were bad habits. We start chasing dollars instead of our dreams at work. They are all designed to pull us away from our true selves. But we are happiest when we are true to what we really want, and we need forks in the road to remind us to check where we are and where we are going. We are given an opportunity to slow down the pace, check the map, see where we are and decide how best to get to what we really want.

I have to decide within the next few days. It will require discussion with my family to make sure that what I want doesn't clash with their needs and wants. It will require soul-searching to make sure that the potential consequences do not lead me away from who I really am. And there will be a leap of faith in there somewhere too. But I am thankful to have this opportunity to have to make this decision. And, some day soon, I will venture on with certainty.

Having a Goal

I just returned from a yoga-intensive weekend. I go through these once a month as I train to be a certified yoga teacher. For approximately 16 hours during the course of one weekend, I sit with five other adults and learn the intricacies of yoga.

I enjoy these weekends. I get a chance to think in a new and exciting way. For instance, I have never been exposed to Sanskrit before. This past weekend, not only did I learn the Sanskrit names for many of my favorite poses, for an hour and a half I listened to a scholar teach me the beauty of the Sanskrit alphabet. Also, I learned the anatomy involved in some of my favorite poses and the best ways to help everyone find comfort in them. I get to converse with people that I would never initially choose to spend time with. My circle of friends does not include gay male ballet dancers or young professional women from Brooklyn. There is so much complexity to these weekends, I have numerous reasons to enjoy them.

Until the Monday after. I barely rolled out of bed today. Each of the three muscles that make up my hamstrings screamed at me as I attempted to move my legs. My right hip refused to move and protested loudly when I insisted it did. Last month, every muscle in my back announced its presence vociferously. I finally had to get a massage to attempt to relieve some of the discomfort. Two hours later, I realized that I needed to strengthen my back before I went through another weekend like that. On the Monday after, I am left with the painful reminders that I am neither as young nor as limber as I thought I was on Saturday and Sunday.

One could wonder why I choose to put myself through all of this. In fact, as I lay in bed this morning and willed my body to move, I wondered the same thing. But the answer came quickly. My goal is to be a yoga teacher. I really enjoy the thought of helping other people find the same kind of serenity and flexible, strong body that I have found through yoga.

I am grateful I have this goal. It keeps me focused on something positive when I am being bombarded by so many negative things. It gives meaning to my pain right now, and tomorrow, when my pain isn't so great, I will have a reason to open the anatomy book again and try to get my tongue to pronounce words in a language that is unfamiliar. I have pursued things without a clear goal and have never reached anywhere. Today, when I got out of bed, I knew where I was going, albeit slowly and tenderly. And I know where I am going tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Every year, the conversation starts about now. Who is having Thanksgiving dinner? My mom enjoys having dinner at my parent's home. My husband's one sister has dinner at her home every other year. If that's not enough, there are the conversations about whom to invite and with whom my children will be spending the day. After all of this gets figured out, the conversations start to move towards who is bringing what. I prefer to bring pies since I love to make apple pie from scratch. My sister-in-law prefers to get her pies from an old family friend, which I respect. The trouble is vegetable casserole is not in my repertoire. My mother worries that there wouldn't be Polish food for my mother-in-law.

After a while, it gets to be all too much.

Which is why I am thinking of a different approach this year. I have asked everyone to our home this year for Thanksgiving. I realize that I am asking for something close to 15 people to come to our hose and that will require I get a different table to fit them all. I am not sure what all will be brought to the table. I am not even sure if there will be enough plates for us.

But I don't care. I am not going to allow myself to stress over the logistics of so many people. I am going to enjoy the fact that I am blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. I am not going to worry about how many vegetable casseroles are on the table or the caloric count of the dishes. I am going to revel in the blessings of food on my table. I am not even going to worry about the dust in my house. I plan on lowering the lights, lighting a few candles and simmering some pot pourri.

Of course, as the holiday approaches, I will fail at my resolve sometimes. As others stress over the plans, I am sure to get caught up in their stress. It is inevitable. But I have a plan for that. I will remember that the day is called Thanksgiving, not Stressgiving. And when I feel myself starting to worry about the plans to entertain more family than I'm used to, I am going to remember that I am blessed in so many ways, I have no right to get stressed. I will also repeat to myself, frequently, that everyone is getting together to enjoy each other's company, not judge me on my hosting skills.

I wish you a blessed Thanksgiving. I hope you find joy in everything about the day.

Wins and Losses

Last night, I listened to Game 6 of the World Series. I was hoping my beloved Phillies would win, but it was becoming more obvious as time went by that my hopes would be dashed. I fell asleep before the game was done. I woke wondering what the outcome was, knowing in my heart what it really was. The Phillies had lost, but strangely, I did not feel a sense of disappointment.

Recently, I read that the reason we have stress in our lives is because we try to hold on to material things, whether it is a winning team, a house or our perceived status. We feel that since we have achieved something, we deserve to keep it. But the truth is, things come into our lives and things leave our lives. Last night, my World Series Champs became World Series losers. But I realize that, just as the joy of cheering on champions came into my life, the joy has moved on. It is time for someone else to have that joy.

I suppose many could say that I am a loser today because my favorite team lost last night. In reality, I am a winner. If I can remember that things are meant to come into my life, and then leave, then I will learn to enjoy the time I have with them with unbridled joy. And when things leave, I will look forward to something else that has come into my life.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Holiday Time

Now that Hallowe'en is over, everyone starts thinking of Thanksgiving and Christmas or Hanukkah. The biggest holiday season is upon us, ready or not. A time to overspend for presents, clean the house like a crazy person because of the company who is coming, schedule in all the parties, overeat and pretend to enjoy. The kids' friends are sure to get the latest toy, so your family better get it too. The neighbor's wife is buying her husband a new plasma tv. You're not? Your buddy's wife is getting some diamond ring she wanted. What are you getting your wife? All the silver needs to be polished and the good china needs to be unpacked from the basement. Can you bring the pies and a casserole to dinner Christmas Eve and then I'll bring extra dip and wine for New Year's Eve? There is a gift exchange at school tomorrow Mom. I need a $5 gift for some boy that just moved into town.

Does any of this, or all of this, sound familiar? This was my holiday life for many years too. But then I was blessed with "reduced means." All of a sudden, I had a perfect excuse to not put on a big spread for New Year's Eve. I had to get creative if I wanted the girls to enjoy their Christmas without as many gifts. No one tried to compare cost of gifts with me because they knew it would make me feel badly.

Instead of putting up a lot of Christmas lights outside, I put up what I could. But we enjoy putting a cd of carols in the car cd player and driving around to look at other lights. We sing all our favorite songs and pick our favorite houses. Each year now, we drive past those houses to see if we still like them or if others have taken their place. Instead of purchasing gifts for friends and relatives, we have all agreed to give to certain charities. We might not have much, but many others have less. It feels good to help out others and to not have to find a home on my shelves for another knickknack. Gatherings with friends have become simpler, maybe a pot of soup and homemade bread instead of a fancy sit-down dinner. Instead of rushing out to buy more gifts, we spend nights watching the holiday cartoons. Rudolph and Charlie Brown are still more fulfilling than an overcrowded mall with anxious shoppers.

Mind you, the girls and my husband still get gifts. But I shop for them all year long, so the holiday isn't a rush and a battle. We still indulge in expensive gifts now and then, but they are not the norm, nor are they purchased just to keep up with the Joneses. The best gift we give to each other is our time and mutual enjoyment of the season.

I challenge you to make this year the year you break from all the stressful traditions of the past holidays. Even one change this year is a step in the direction of simpler, more meaningful holidays. You can do it. You will be glad you did.