Being or Doing

Many of us struggle every day with the insurmountable to-do list in our minds. We mentally check the items off one by one, only to add ten more for each we check off. We measure our worth and the success of each day by the number of items completed, vowing to try harder tomorrow to get through the list. The depressing news is that we will never get through the list because, somewhere inside of us, we have decided that the list gives our lives a sense of purpose and worth. So what is a person to do? On one hand, this mental to-do list is making us miserable but we are reluctant to let go of it. If we were to find a new way of measuring self-worth and a way of making it through our days without checking items off a list, we would lessen the stress caused by an endless list and make our days richer.

We all know what needs to be done throughout the day. With that in mind, we need to stop worrying about the items on the list and start living in the present moment. For instance, the other morning I was walking the dog. The sun had not yet come up although there was a pinkish, orangeish glow in the east. To the west, the last stars were twinkling and the moon was setting over the horizon. The air was crisp, the leaves were crunching under my dog's paws and the silence was filling the air. I could choose to run through my day in my head as I walked, making sure the to-do list was in order or I could choose to enjoy that special moment between night and day. I chose to enjoy the moment. And now I have an amazing memory to relive whenever I want.

But what happened to the list? Well, I ignored my list that whole day. I lived each moment, enjoying it, letting the next moment take care of itself. At the end of the day, I went to bed, content, relaxed and fulfilled. My list was not making demands on me. Rather, the list became smaller and the items that are impossible to check off completely disappeared. I started to control the list instead of the list controlling me. The next morning, I woke up refreshed and lived in the moment throughout the day again, always aware of a manageable list for the day but never overwhelmed by a demanding taskmaster.

Living according to a mental to-do list becomes a downward spiral. We are unable to check off all the items so we have a sense of failure, which leads to a sense of lessened self-worth. That leads to an inability to check off all the items on the list which makes us feel even worse. This destructive pattern becomes the fabric of our lives and we start wondering why we feel so badly. But living in the moment enriches our lives. We concentrate on one thing, engaging each of our senses to fully appreciate what we are doing. We then move on to the next thing, knowing instinctively what needs to be done. As each pursuit is completed, we feel a certain degree of satisfaction, a degree of pleasure. We take this feeling to the next pursuit, eventually compounding the feeling of fulfillment. Life becomes an uplifting, supportive spiral in which we perceive greater satisfaction with our lives and a heightened sense of self-worth.

So why do we continue to live with a mental to-do list controlling our lives? With it, there is a sense of security and a sense of control, even if it is a facade. Making the choice to live in the moment can be scary for those of us who have been trained to live by the list for years. But I can assure you that there is a happier, more fulfilling life waiting beyond the list.