What to Say?

A co-worker has experienced profound loss this week. Within hours, he lost both his mother and grandmother. They had been ill and the loss wasn't completely unexpected. Tomorrow, I will be going to the viewing with my family. I am going to support my co-worker but I am not familiar with the rest of his family. I am not sure what to say to the other members of the receiving line. Many people say "I'm sorry" or "You're in my thoughts" but these phrases seem so cliche. They don't begin to express what I'm really feeling.

I think maybe part of the problem is I am not sure what I am feeling. I can not begin to relate to such grief. I can not imagine what he is feeling. I have not had to make difficult arrangements yet so I don't know what that is like. I am not aware of my co-worker's feelings of death and the afterlife so I don't know if those thoughts bring him any comfort. Without knowing his thoughts and feelings, I am unsure what words to say to him. And I never know what to say to other family members for similar reasons.

Someone said to me once that it is more important that I was there. This week, I was told that knowing his classes were in good hands was helpful to him because it was one less thing to think about. I know that, when I've needed comfort, just having someone sit near me was enough. I have also appreciated having someone listen to me when I just needed to talk. So maybe, if I don't know what to say when I go to the viewing tomorrow, it will be okay. Maybe just being there says more than I could ever speak.

Dedicated to Mr. Bluhm and his family